


Flowery: Gentle Sakura Petals

by Hallow17



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Universe, F/M, Oneshot, RivaMika Week, Sadness, Self Harm, The feels, my ideas to what the end of the titan war would be like, rivamika, yeah i went a little somber here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-08
Updated: 2015-07-08
Packaged: 2018-04-08 08:50:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4298400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hallow17/pseuds/Hallow17
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Humanities strongest survive the war on titans and embark on a mission outside the walls that have kept them trapped in hell. What they find could be their worst fears or their best dreams.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Flowery: Gentle Sakura Petals

**Author's Note:**

> This one is a little more on the sad side. My fingers just had a mind of their own here. But please enjoy! Day six, done!

Flowery: Gentle Sakura Petals

The world had been in chaos for so long that when it was finally over they didn’t know what to do. Years of fighting, thousands of deaths, all of it weighed heavily on the shoulders remaining survivors, the lucky ones. Or, more appropriately, the not so lucky ones. That black smog hung in the air, in the way people walked, lethargic and slow as if afraid going faster would spark a kind of hope people weren’t ready for. The government was in an uproar on what to do now, on where to go from here now that everything was over. People were scared to even embark on any mission outside of the walls but they had no issue using the Survey Corps as the guinee pigs. So it was their task to determine if it was safe.

“Gear up.” Levi instructed the cadets one silent evening. His eyes fell on Mikasa and they shared a look, one no one else would be able to determine even if they tried. His eyes swept through the somber crowds, strong but hollow, just like everyone else’s. “We have orders to head outside the walls tomorrow.” He told them, his voice reaching a place inside Mikasa that echoed with hope but an intense sadness. She brought her hand to her scarf, running her calloused fingers over soft, worn down fabric Eren had given her that horrid night.

Mikasa watched Levi turn around and head to his barracks for the night while the people around her whispered about the mission, equally scared and hopeful for tomorrow. She couldn’t even stomach talking right now so she did the same thing Levi did. She got up, turned around and went to her barracks.

The wind was cold, nipping at any openings it could get in the thin clothes she wore. She entered their loggings and closed the door to help protect it from the cold but it had already seeped through the wooden walls and leaked into the air around her. She kept her hands at her sides and headed to her flat bed, the only comfort she could receive now. She sat down, unzipping her boots and looked into the dark room, almost pitch black save for any light that came in from the outside. She was completely alone here to think, to get away from the others who could seek out the comfort of each other. She had no one.

A tight feeling filled her chest and made her stomach curl in. She winced, bringing her hands up and tightening them around herself. She didn’t know how long she stayed like that, but it must have been a while. She didn’t move until she heard people coming into the room, filing in just as silently as they always did after the war had been won.

Mikasa got up to take a cold shower before bed, not even feeling the chill of the water on her skin. It was hard for her to feel anything at all really. She had felt so lifeless, like her heart was nothing but a black hole in her chest. Not even Levi could pull her out of this, not with his kind words, not with his kisses. Nothing reached her.

She clothed herself back in her white shirt and pants, always ready for anything at any time. That’s the way she had to be, always prepared for something to go wrong, to step up when no one else would or could. She put her belts on loosely and crawled into her lumpy bed for the night. She rarely got sleep and on days she did she could only see red, see teeth grinding on bones and hear the screams of the fallen. Most of the time she pushed her body to the point where she was utterly exhausted and her body just shut down, letting her get maybe an hour or two of sleep without any dreams. Just black in her subconscious; that was always safer.

Her body jolted awake when the cadets heard the morning bells. She took in her surroundings and realized she was safe, she was ok. Then she took a deep breath and got up, tightening her belts and putting on her shoes. Her stomach wasn’t feeling too up to eating so she opted not to even head down to the cafeteria and instead took a walk around the grounds.

The sunlight was warm on her skin, raying down in golds and soft yellows over them. It could have been hopeful but it only reminded her of the past, of the times she had enjoyed herself with Armin and Eren, or when Sasha had been ridiculous and did something stupid with food involved. The tightness in her chest told her to stop, to stop thinking about it. To forget before she fell into the darkening hole threatening to rip her apart. She closed her eyes and swallowed those distant memories deep down inside herself.

“Mikasa,” a voice rung out making her open her eyes. Birds had been chirping and leaves from trees made a soft symphony but that voice came from her right. She turned to see none other than Levi walking towards her. His features had long since changed, the dark circles under his eyes evident even from fifteen feet away. His gait was never relaxed like the others and he was always strung out, his muscles ready for anything. They were so similar sometimes it frightened her.

“Heichou.” She bowed her head just enough to him so to be polite. Then she held her hands in front of her, her nails preparing themselves against the skin of her wrists. Talking to Levi brought back the faintest whispers of memories she locked away, of happiness, of joy on a whole other level than just friendly, of _love_. They were dangerous.

“Mikasa,” Levi looked at her carefully as he walked towards her. She stayed where she was, letting him come to her. He stopped maybe a foot in front of her, invading her personal space, her protective bubble. She wanted to move back but something in his gaze told her not to even try. His eyes were always softer with her than with everyone else. She used to love the way he looked at her, the way he touched her, the way he whispered her name. Now she was just afraid of it all.

“You haven’t been eating right for a while now. You need to be healthy enough to handle yourself out there.” He said, his eyes sweeping her body. She shrugged it off.

“I’m more prepared than many, Heichou.” She said monotonously. Her fingers increased their pressure on her wrist, the pain small, barely there. Levi narrowed his eyes for a moment, trying to get a read on her. These days, it was hard even for him.

“Then why don’t you accompany me for a few moments?” He asked, a hopeful note to his voice. He was trying to pull her away, to take her somewhere else to talk to her like he did plenty of times before. Mikasa felt something inside her break a little more. She never showed any of it on her face.

“I was just taking a walk, Heichou.” She said to him, her voice never breaking. “And you probably have a lot to work on.” There, she knew he couldn’t deny that. Levi stared blankly at her for a second and Mikasa found herself looking directly into the eyes she had loved once before. The eyes that now looked hurt, that looked worried and cared so deeply. No, she didn’t want that. She didn’t want that.

“Alright,” he said softly, knowing he would have to admit defeat. He nodded his head to her and walked past, the smell of him wafting to her nose. She almost turned around, she almost called for him. But her body was frozen there, her nails digging into her wrists to redirect the pain. She looked down at them and noticed she had broken skin, pulling her fingers back to look at the red little welts that threatened to bleed. She was used to it by now though.

Time continued and she walked on aimlessly. She went back when she knew it was time to go. Everything blurred around her, so fast it was like walking in a haze towards the future. Swords, gas tanks, horses, the wind racing through her green Survey Corps jacket. She didn’t speak to anyone, only did the job she was assigned. Then they were breaking through the last wall to a world she never knew, to something so foreign but so beautiful.

Teams went off in different directions to explore the outside areas closest to the walls. Mikasa was assigned one of the teams to go a little further, Levi trusting her skills enough to know that if they were attacked they could handle it with her there. But she never made it past the first outline of trees they got out of.

Mikasa had been following her team when she heard a steady crashing noise. She forced her horse to steer that way and went there before her team even noticed anything was wrong. Her instant reaction was to be prepared to attack, thinking it was a titan. Adrenaline ran through her so fast she didn’t even think to release the color coded smoke cans to warn people. She had complete confidence that she could handle it. What she couldn’t handle is what she saw when she got out of the thick expanse of trees.

She stopped her horse hard and her mind went blank as she stared at the scene in front of her. She didn’t escape the trees like she thought. She just entered a small area the shape of a circle, surrounded by something she had never seen before. There was running water coming off a steep hill and falling into a pool at the bottom. She realized the steady crashing had been this, actually a steady roar as the water fell from rounded rocks at the top. Tall trees billowed in a new breeze, shaking pink petals from their leaves. They rained down around her gently. It took her breath away.

“Mikasa, what did you-” Levi had rushed behind her and stopped just as soon as he found her. He brought his horse to a slow trot to go beside her own, looking around at everything himself, his eyes taking it all in. He looked at Mikasa and smiled so softly at her. The sight of the petals falling behind her was stunning.

Mikasa felt something wet roll down her cheeks. Startled, she brought her hand up and swiped it away to look at it. A single tear descended down her finger and to her palm. She didn’t know she had been crying. She looked at Levi, scared. Levi brought his hand to hers and took the one that had the tear on it, giving it a soft squeeze.

“Welcom to the world beyond the walls.” He said in a somber voice, looking back at the falling water in front of them. Mikasa looked outwards too, the tears coming down faster. She held Levi’s hand tightly, afraid to lose the connection, afraid that if she did this would all disappear as if a dream.

She knew Eren and Armin would have loved this place. She felt another hot tear roll down her face but this time she let it fall. They would have loved it just like she loved it so she will live in this moment not only for herself but for them. For her family that couldn’t be here with her.  

**Author's Note:**

> And there we have it! I honestly thought this came out a lot nicer than I thought it would teehee. If you liked it, leave a comment! I love to hear from you guys!


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